Are your Goals Meaningless?

The Why, What, and How of effective goal-achieving

Let’s be honest - most goals, set by most people, are left forever unmet. But there's really no reason to be discouraged. Even if you fail to achieve a goal you have still taken some steps to live a deliberate life. Celebrate that. Still, it would probably feel much better to actually achieve the thing you’ve set out to do; who wants their goals to go the way of New Years’ resolutions? Well, who wants their goals to be meaningless?

The trouble is, the goals we set actually are usually already meaningless. At the very least, we don’t usually appreciate their meaning. My guess is that the problem of meaningless goals really boils down to a problem of language. When we talk about goals we talk about what they are. Unfortunately, the what is actually usually the least important part of a goal. The how, the why, and who are actually the parts that matter the most, but that receive the least attention.

When we talk about goals we talk about what they are. Unfortunately, the what is actually usually the least important part of a goal. The how, the why, and who are actually the parts that matter the most, but that receive the least attention.

Please allow me to explain that confusing rhetoric the way that all mediocre writers do, through the use of a drawing:

"What" goals are meaningless unless they're attached to a "Why" and the appropriate "How".

We can think of any of our goals as (hopefully) existing within a pyramid. Usually, the what of the goal, let’s say to lose 25 lbs before my sister’s wedding, gets all of the attention, which would be sort of like building a pyramid and focusing on one of the middle levels - there’s nothing wrong with it, per se, but it’s just sort of silly. Instead, if you’re building a pyramid, you’re going to want a clear picture, a sort of blueprint of what you want the pyramid to look like (think of this as the top of the pyramid), then you’re going to want to switch and put most of your focus on the foundation, and on the moment-to-moment demands of building your immortal shrine. So it is with pyramids, so it shall be with goals. As Simon Sinek titled his bestseller: Start with Why(1) you’re going to need a strong reason if you expect to accomplish anything worthwhile. If you have a random and meaningless goal do you really think that you’ll be able to stick to it? Or, is your brain going to conjure up a bunch of reasons why you should be doing something other than working on your goal? So, what’s the real reason you want to lose 25 lbs? Let’s imagine the internal dialogue that may follow asking yourself that very question: Why do you want to lose 25 lbs? Because, i’m going to be in 300 pictures, and I don’t want to look disgusting. Why does it matter what you look like?

Well, friends from high school will see the pictures, and will judge me.

And, does it really matter to you what those "friends" think? Does it matter enough to make the BIG changes needed to lose 25 lbs?

Probably not. For somebody else, the dialogue may proceed very differently, however. For example: Why do you want to lose 25 lbs? Because, my whole family is going to be there! Why does your family’s attendance matter to you? Because, I want them -especially my mom - to see that I am doing well.

Why does your mom's approval matter? Does it matter enough to make the BIG changes needed to lose 25 lbs?

My mom has always been an inspiration for me. Now, I want to show her that I can be an inspiration for me. Yes, that's important enough for me make the necessary changes. There is no correct answer, and obviously this dialogue could go an infinite number of ways, which is why it’s important to actually have the conversation with yourself. It is your responsibility to figure out if the goal is actually meaningful for you, or just a weak attempt at self-improvement.

A cautionary note is due: please be careful with these lines of self-questioning - they may lead you down some dark roads that you aren’t yet prepared to go.

Let's now assume that you found a good reason to connect to your goal, and that losing 25 lbs really is meaningful for you. Then what, should you just start fitnessing and weigh yourself every few days? Of course not, now it’s time to connect your what to what actually matters right now, how. Actually recording this is probably the most important step. If you are going to lose a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time, what are the steps you need to implement RIGHT NOW? Hypothetically, these how steps could look like(2):

1. Spend 3 hours/week engaged in cardiovascular exercise.

2. Regulate your sleep cycle by waking up at 06:30 each morning.

3. Make sure that all of the food you eat can either be grown or killed (meaning: avoiding heavily processed foods).

4. Choose an activity that doesn’t involve drinking to participate in 1x/week.

Your tasks will vary. Whatever they are, you can go ahead and literally write them down in the bottom blocks of your pyramid. The crucial final step is to now take ALL of your attention and direct it towards those how goals. Those are really the only goals that are are useful to think about. You can periodically check-in to make sure that your how still seems to be leading toward your why, and that your why still inspires you. But otherwise, pay attention to the only part of the pyramid in your direct control. If you can, record how often you hit your how goals. Reflect on how to increase your success rate. By focusing on these how goals, you will actually reach your what goal, which will just be one element of the all-important why.

1. For the sake of this article we will assume that you already have the who part (you) figured out - if you want some righteous guidance in that area, check out this companion post. 2. By the way, notice how each of those goals involved actually adding, or doing something? It is important to avoid setting “Dead Person Goals” (aptly named, because a dead person would easily accomplish them) for a bunch of really psychologically-relevant reasons. Trust me on this one.